New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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