it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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