what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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