Pants 0. Shit 1.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
