Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
