Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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