Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
