The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
