So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
