I must be too annoying 4 u.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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