Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
