After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
