im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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