theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
