I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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