Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
