Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i love accidental penises.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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