i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
