You're my little dorito
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
