i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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