The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize