It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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