I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
