I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
