she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
