Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
