when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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