Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
