God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
