dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
