Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
