ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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