I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
