Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
my nose is crying tears of wow.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
