Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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