the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize