I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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