writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
