YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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