Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
