i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
