I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
