DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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