Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
