Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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