just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
