If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
wow bdsm is so cute
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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