Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize