And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
