dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
so much tequila, so little girl.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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