It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
