Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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