i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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