dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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