and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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