She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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