You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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