his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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