well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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