i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
