I can tuck mytits in my pants
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
