I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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