but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
