Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
