Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
