apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
