I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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