Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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