i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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