sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you didnt know i had herpes?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
