90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
