mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
